Month One

Dear Wes,

Congratulations! We both made it! We have managed to keep you full, warm, dry and safe enough for you to keep us around as parents.

Wesley we are so glad to have you in our lives. People one day may tell you how we would pray (and ask others to pray) that you would come at your due date because this month was so nuts at work for us both. We were such fools! Work schmwork. You are the best gift we’ve received in our lives.

This past month has gone by so fast and your daddy and I can’t imagine our lives without you. Just to give you an idea of how obsessed we are, pre-you, we talked about regularly scheduling date nights so we can remember to take care of US so we can better take care of you. Last Saturday your grandma (halmoni) and grandapa (haraboji) were so kind to give us a date night (though we have a suspicion that they wanted you to themselves for hours!) Your daddy and I went to get Italian (E’Tutto Qua) in the city and we missed you so much it made our hearts hurt. On the drive home I flipped through every single picture I had on my iphone, played every video and when I was finished, without even me having to ask,  your father whipped out his phone so I could look through more pictures of you. We are obsessed.

Thanks Tina for snapping this!

Tim and Wes at the end of Week 1. (Thank you Tina for snapping this picture! It’s one of our favorites.)

The big topic of conversation we have with just about everyone who meets you is how much you look like your daddy. I have to say I called it in Week 20 when I saw an ultrasound of your little toes. Your toes are exactly like your father’s. You both have giant, flat feet with long edamame toes. You and your dad have a special relationship forming. I like to call it – let’s bond over annoying/picking on mom. On the second day of your life, you and your dad simultaneously passed gas in our hospital room (because I love you both I will not go into further details about which end gas came out of) and in that moment I felt like I was being hot boxed by my two brothers – except that I don’t have 2 brothers, I have one and even my own brother would never do that to me. Last night when daddy came home from work you were really angry and crying about we have no idea what, so your dad picked you up held you close and started fake wailing (read: mocking you) SO loud I thought you probably lost several ear hairs. You immediately stopped your wailing and started smiling… like you were saying “hey that wailing was pretty decent bro. next time try to go a little longer and until you hear a little bit of a vibrato and your face turns beet red. it freaks mom out. every. time.”

Everything everyone said about taking care of a newborn was right. Yes your mommy and daddy are sleep deprived. Yes breastfeeding is rough. Yes our lives have changed. But we weren’t prepared for how much we would love you and love being parents. All of our lives we have heard that God loves us and that we are His children. Cognitively, I got that… but it takes on a whole new shade now. Wesley you are the first person I have loved that has absolutely done nothing for me. That sounds harsh, but every single other relationship I have in this world is characterized by some sort of mutualism. I love my parents because they love me and have taken care great care of me my whole life. I love your daddy because he’s good looking. I love you because ___ . (TBD) Not only have you done nothing for me, you are seriously the neediest person I know. Yesterday I was so thirsty and my water bottle was just out of reach but you were finally asleep on me after fussing for awhile. Because I was convinced any muscle twitch or sound would wake you up I just sat there. On the couch. Parched. In silence. I promise promise promise in the moment I was not the slightest bit mad. I was even glad that I (literally) could be a place of rest and comfort for you. As a seven pounder, you are taking me to school about how to love selflessly. And I couldn’t be more thrilled.

Love,

Mama

Month Milestones

This week you weighed in at 7 lbs 11 oz. Which is pretty incredible considering at one point you had dropped to 5 lb 5 oz.

Every week I’ve been taking you to your doctor’s office to be weighed. The receptionist and the nurses know me now. We always have the same conversation.

“Did the Dr. order a weight check for Wesley?”

“Nope”

“Oh okay! Mommy’s just curious!”

“Yes I am! I was just in neighborhood and I wanted to pop in!”

Thankfully this past month you have easing us into this parenting thing. In the beginning you wouldn’t even cry. Your “cries” sounded like a puppy that got stuck behind the couch. Your grandma (popo) thinks you’re an excellent communicator. And we have to agree. When you are hungry you do all the things babies do – root, wriggle, put your hand in your mouth, etc… When we see this we’ll start getting you food but sometimes when we don’t move fast enough you smack your lips and make eating sounds like you’re doing sign language. You must think your parents are idiots. Which isn’t too far from the truth, but thanks for going the extra mile so that there would be no confusion about what you really want. Also after you sneeze, you always let out this big sigh like that was the most exhausting thing you had to do all day. It makes us laugh every time.

Likes

Boobs (not just mine, but just about anyone – male or female. if they hold you close enough you will open your mouth and dive for them) being warm, cuddles, maybe Baroque music (still testing this out), lukewarm baths, when the booger police (daddy) uses the nose frida on you to pull out your boogers, Mamaroo (Motion setting: car ride), white noise, Pampers

Gripes

Being naked, your gray overalls, Huggies diapers, that moment when we take you out of the lukewarm bath, tummy time

 

This picture just kills me every time.

This picture just kills me every time.

10 years.

Ten years ago, I got in my car and drove up the street to Tim’s apartment so we could have the “talk.”

A week ago over MLK weekend he had reluctantly (no exaggeration here) told me over the phone that he was interested in me. He was definitely not meaning to be in a relationship, nor did he even want to be in one, but as one paralyzed with love by Cupid’s arrow he had to make his feelings known. That and we had way too many study dates, late night AIM chats and midnight burrito runs to be in the friend zone.

When I got to his apartment, we had a super intense talk about our past relationships. I don’t even know why we felt like we had to say everything that night, but we definitely recreated our own little baggage claim that night. We discussed baggage after baggage, our mouths the never ending conveyor belt chucking out our worst fears and insecurity. At the end of the night we just looked at each other with looks of “(baby) can you handle this?” It was so unromantic, unhot and ungiddy. But what do you do when you see a future with the person in front of you, and beauty even in the both of you? After hours of talking, Tim gave into his exhaustion and said “Let’s go for it.” And had I known the words YOLO, I would’ve yelled it then.

Tim thanks for taking a chance on us and believing in what we could be. I love you and promise I’ll make you cheesy cards again like I used to before we got married (damn you Candy of 10 years ago for making me look bad).

Do you remember this TV show? Tim and I were OBSESSED with it so I had to make an envelope to pay homage to Sydney Bristow.

Do you remember this TV show? Tim and I were OBSESSED with it so I had to make an envelope to pay homage to Sydney Bristow.

Happy Four Years to Us.

Four years ago today I married Tim.

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There’s a lot to say about that day but one of my favorite moments happened during the ceremony. Our pastor encouraged us to write letters to each other and on the day, he would read them on our behalf (brilliant). Ever since then, Tim and I exchange anniversary letters every year. When we were doing pre-marital counseling, one of the conversations we had was how we receive love. I sheepishly admitted that yes I love words… but I love me a written word! There is something about the written word that fills my love tank to full. I think it’s because I can hold it, mull over it and remind myself of it. Written words are so special because they are prompted not by a social cues (as spoken words often are) but by affections of the heart.

To commemorate our four years, I dug up my letter I wrote to Tim on our 0 year anniversary:

Timothy,

First of all, before I forget to tell you today, you look really great in your tux!  All that working out with P90X really paid off!

Tim, I am excited to be standing next to you today.  I don’t know if I have told you this, but when I was in 9th grade, I planned out my wedding down to what the cake’s flavor would be.  Since then, about once a year, I dreamt about walking down the aisle with my dad and then getting to the top of the aisle and seeing a man in a tux with his face blurred out.  It would scare me out of my slumber every single time.  When you asked me to marry you, those nightmares stopped.  My excitement about the perfect wedding evolved to excitement about marrying you.

Tim, I love you. 

I love that you are a good friend to the people around you.  I love that you are always down for adventure and are totally responsible as you are.  I love that for you the reason behind doing something is just as important as the act itself. I love that you love to eat. I love how your smile takes up your whole face. I love hearing about you talk about God because it always makes me want to love Him in bigger and new ways.

Thank you Tim for giving me a clearer picture of how Jesus loves me.  Thank you for wanting the best for us no matter the cost.  Thank you for loving peace. 

Though dating you has been immensely fun and growing, I hear that this marriage stuff is a million times more fun and growing.  I’m looking forward to walking beside you through it all.  I want to be a wife that lightens the load of life for you every day.  I want to be the bringer of encouragement, comfort and joy your heart… all this while being the president of the Tim Sohn Fan Club.

I have no idea what God has in store for us, but I know that if we make Jesus all of our hope and all of our joy, we’ll be more than okay.  I love you and I couldn’t be happier that it’s your hand that I’m holding today.

Finally yours,

Candy

Muggle Problems

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I love you Harry Potter.

Topping the list on my “30” before “30” is reading the entire Harry Potter series FOR THE FIRST TIME. I am pleased to report that I am on Book Four. However I am starting to feel so sad that I’m reaching the midpoint in the series that I have contemplated taking a break to make it last longer. Then my addictive nature kicks in and says SCREW IT. GIVE ME MORE HOGWARTS. I have been so obsessed with Harry Potter for the last week and a half. Sweet Tim bought me a Kindle to encourage productive hobbies during this summer so I don’t end up watching hours of Hoarders or begging friends and strangers for lives on Candy Crush. I don’t think he knew he would awaken the dormant (very dormant) book monster.

I am still getting up before 6am (thank you circadian rhythm that has been forever changed by teaching) but now I just lay in bed for an hour reading HP. Car rides are really quiet now that I am reading. Tim actually made me put down my book a week ago while in the car so I am reminded to be a well-mannered human and have a conversation with him. Thank the Lord he has been so supportive of my HP obsession despite my recent(?) social ineptness. Last week in NY while riding the subway I sighed, looked at him and said “Tim, I wish there were wizards, witches and magic!” He responded, “There are! They are just hidden from us Muggles.” So. Sweet. I love this man. I almost kissed him in the subway right then and there.

Today while making travel plans for the wedding we are attending in SoCal, I hit a new low (or high depending on how you look at it). I literally let out a big sigh and said aloud, “I COULD REALLY USE SOME FLOO POWDER.”

Love is…

Shortly after Tim and I started dating (9 years ago!), he had to go to England for six months. So sad! We both had to celebrate each other’s respective birthdays across a big big pond. I will always remember what he got me for my birthday that year. 

No flowers. No jewelry. Just a box from Omaha, Nebraska.

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My first birthday present from Tim.

His friends warned him that maybe he should go with something more traditional… maybe something a little less… bloody? Tim could not be dissuaded. Tim insisted that Candy was a different kind of girl. So that birthday I opened a package of bacon wrapped filet mignons with a side of loaded potatoes. In all honesty, at the time I thought it was a kind gesture, but it did left me scratching my head: “What does this mean?” “Does he even like me??” My friends didn’t get it. I hated admitting it at the time, but like 50 cent so eloquently put it, I was that kid – like a fat kid loves cake steak. 

Fast forward 9+ years to today.

During lunch I picked Tim up from work so he could do a Costco run with me. He was standing under a tree holding something behind his back.

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I’m sorry about the beastly bite taken out of the short rib. I bit into the short rib before I remembered to whip out my phone.

Love is packing a doggie bag for your babe when you are served her favorite cut of meat at work.